either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
