my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am spending my child support on dildos
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm passing your future prison.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
