Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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