she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
