This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
