***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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