Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
