I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
