you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
