just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
