your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
