she's into porn, im staying here tonight
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
