My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
love makes seman taste better
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
