We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he thought i was a dude.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
