We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
