so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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