Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
