I wanna passion pit in your ass
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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