are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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