I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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