I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
