What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
