id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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