Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
