Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
