There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
