smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
