I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
