why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
