Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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