last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
