Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
