You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
