we have pet lesbian snakes
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
