I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
