somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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