the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
