Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
