conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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