I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
