im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
