too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i love accidental penises.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
