He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
