whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My dick has a subreddit
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
