i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
