I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
