Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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