so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
