I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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