The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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