Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
