So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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