i may or may not be watching the land before time
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
