i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
