You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
