1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
