Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
