oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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