also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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