wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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